A festivus of normal

I don’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I am addicted to Fruit Ninja.

I like eggs in the morning, but I hate making them myself. I like chicken, pork, lamb, veal, beef, and buffalo. I’m not super fond of deer, but I’ll have venison over fish any day. Shrimp tastes nice if not overcooked. (I prefer Thai on weekdays to sushi and lasagna over everything except for mac+cheese, pref. with lobster).

I like stupid and cheesy pop songs as much as the next person. I have a strangely large amount of songs related to love in my collection (or is it that those are statistically overweighted in songs that get made and/or played on the radio?)

I dance like an idiot in private. I will do it in public, too, but only after I’ve had a few and I’m in the company of people that I love and I know will judge me in the best way possible, i.e., am I having fun while flailing my arms around like a spastic, seizing trauma patient?

I now have computer glasses. I’ve always wanted glasses. I put them on and feel like Clark Kent. When everyone calls you Superman(girl), some times it is nice to be Clark.

I have spent a lifetime trying to be Clark Kent.

I will like your parents. They made you: I will like them.

I’m a snob, but I’m not terrible about it, I just am. I can’t help it. I still care about everyone; I still love everyone. Except for people who treat other people badly. I don’t like bullies and I’ve never been one. (If you were a bully in a past life, I’ll forgive you, but please don’t be one now. We are all too old for that specific sort of insecurity. We have bigger, badder, better insecurities to be all caught up about.)

I like pizza, but I don’t lose sleep over it. I love to travel mainly because I spent my childhood trying to flee everyone and everything. Planes were safe because no one could call you and no one could get to you once the gate closed. This is no longer the case, which I resent, deeply, every time they offer in-flight wi-fi.

I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else.

I sing in the shower, badly. Even good acoustics can’t cover my caterwauling. I don’t snore as much anymore, but if I do, don’t take it personally. It’s probably because I drank too much. I’m working on that.

Just because I’m the big spoon doesn’t mean I can’t be the little one.


I have a million hobbies because I get bored easily and I’m restless. I am never bored with you; I am bored with myself. If you let me go, I will always come back. If you hold on too tightly, I think you don’t trust me. Trust me: I trust you.

Merry Christmas. I miss you.

Will you come back home now?


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