The year is 2017 and no one should ever, ever be uncomfortable.
We have been pretty good over outlawing things in recent years: hate speech, the N-word, talking about sex in a non-hyper-positive fashion, sadness, and non-existential fear, but there are a couple of things we are still working on.
Don’t worry, they’ll either be shamed out of existence soon or banned. Either will work.
- Snoring. (We have a earplugs that filter it out)
- Encountering people with a different opinion. (We already have ear plugs to filter out their voices, but there is an app that will signal you when someone is in the vicinity and you can take a different route)
- Reading an opinion different than your own. (We’re at 98% on that already, most of it algorithmically-done, but sometimes you just need to click ‘unfollow’ – it’s on the list!)
- Hot weather / cold weather / anything not temperate. (Climate change is on our side for this, really!)
- Just being okay with being okay. (It’s coming, soon, everyone will have everything they ever wanted and if they don’t that’s just because their is a glitch in their genetics, but we’ll fix it!)
- Uncertainty. (This is going to be a bio-hack, really just going to implant things in your brain to remove it. Don’t worry – it will be FDA-approved in a jiffy)
Is there anything I have missed? Come’on, we all know that discomfort means that something isn’t right and that we need to change, but why would we want to do that? Change is for people who aren’t sure enough about themselves and we’re all very smart, you know, smarter than any generation before, so we are definitely sure about ourselves and so we don’t need to change for anybody or anything, right?
Oh, we forgot one more item, lucky #7:
Genuine human connection. (This one is proving tricky, natural empathy and all that jazz, but dagnabbit, we’ll get it done! Stay positive!)