Personal

It got better

This morning, my best friend shared a video with me that started off trite “How to Lose Weight in 4 easy steps” but then quickly showed itself to be a little bit more than that. It had a larger message in there…

Just about a year ago, a lot was happening in my life in August. I was attending a wedding with my ex-girlfriend for one of her very good friends, and then quickly after, I was headed to Poland to meet up with other friends to attend another wedding. There was a lot of tumult in my life professionally: was my department going to be disbanded, what were we working on, what would my job turn out to be, was I happy with it, etc.

In the span of less than 6 weeks, the following series of thoughts, decisions, and events occurred:

  • While in Poland, I decided that I wanted to marry my girlfriend, that this was the real deal
  • I planned to resign from my current job and accept a new job with a startup
  • The new job would be 100% remote, something I’d never done before
  • I needed to figure out how to manage 1) moving in with my girlfriend in a few months while 2) managing my family’s reaction / issues while also 3) what to do with this house I owned and was paying mortgage on
  • I resigned from my job…
  • Then me and my girlfriend broke up
  • I came out to my family again (which didn’t go as well as expected)
  • Net-net: everything fell apart

Okay, so, the anniversary of that series of events is quickly approaching, and as human beings, we tend to focus on loss: we give it more weight and more credit than it deserves, and we do so at the expense of what we’ve gained.

That video made me step back and say: “Okay, Case, what’s the real story?”

Since that series tumultuous and unfortunate events, in the last year, the following things also happened:

  1. I learned how to swim.
  2. I moved to a smaller city that better suits me: my personality, my style, and the way I want to lead my life.
  3. I came out to my family for the final time.
  4. I set up boundaries with my family and friends which are working and they make me happy.
  5. I have a job that I love that has real prospects for growth and success.
  6. I work with people that I like, who I find to be smart, kind, and engaging – I respect them and want to be around them.
  7. I have a great apartment and I live on my own, comfortably and well. I have all the things I need; I don’t want for anything.
  8. I’m almost done selling a house that I never wanted and I don’t need.
  9. I am healthy and fit.
  10. I’ve broken off  / ended friendships with people who really weren’t my “friends.”
  11. I have made new friends and deepened existing friendships with people who truly care about me and I about them.
  12. I no longer date people that don’t suit me because I can’t bear to be alone; I’m okay on my own.
  13. I am doing the things that I have always wanted to do (storytelling, trivia, owning an aquarium, so many things!) and I love it!

I am stronger, healthier, and happier than I have ever been in my adult life. Last year, I was coming back from Poland to settle in / settle down, and just accept life as it was. It wasn’t bad, I’d be a liar if I said it was ‘terrible,’ but I still had so much more work to do on myself that I couldn’t see it then and I didn’t know. I will always have more work to do, but now I can embrace that with real hope and joy, in the knowledge that no matter what happens, it will get better.

It always gets better.

It already is better if I’m looking at in the right way.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring me. No one does. I still have good days and bad days; I have ups and downs. That’s life. But, what I do know is that if I just get on with it, if I just keep doing what I’ve been doing:

  1. The people that need to be in my life will either come back, will be there in the days ahead, or whatever, but now I’m in a position to meet them as a whole, healthy, and happy individual.
  2. The goals that I put in front of myself are reachable and I can get there because now I have the drive to move forward.
  3. The hopes and dreams that I have are never guaranteed, but as long as I live as honestly and openly as possible, the odds are in my favor.

It has been a good year, a damn good one, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. All of it, every single day, every single up, and every single down, was necessary. It has been an amazing journey and I can’t wait for what comes next.

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